


A Real Life (Gracie Ficlet)

by theloupgaroux



Category: Orphan Black
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-17
Updated: 2015-05-17
Packaged: 2018-03-31 00:17:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3957310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theloupgaroux/pseuds/theloupgaroux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gracie goes to Cosima in 3x06 to find out what's happening to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Real Life (Gracie Ficlet)

There was a sterile, chemical smell in the air that burned her nose when she breathed in. Gracie focused on that, the air coming in and out of her body in harsh waves that reminded her of sitting in her father's clinic at the back of the barn.  Her fingers held tensely a few centimeters above the reflective countertop, the illusion of rest if you weren't paying attention. The woman in the lab coat, another of Helena's clones whose name sounded like Cosmos, was speaking to her. Speaking to her about this... sickness that was in her. Gracie wanted to focus on the words but there were so many she didn't understand. That seemed to be happening a lot lately.

Words like viral, contagion, _I promise_. She didn't know what any of that meant, not really. But these little words that choked in her throat were smothering her. She thought she'd be free. She'd just changed one dark cell for another.

Finally Gracie realised they were all looking at her, and she knew she'd missed her cue to respond. The scientist clone moved to be closer to her and said Do you understand? and Gracie said Yes. and nodded with what she thought was a degree of certainty and then when someone said Do you want to be Alone? with a capital A on Alone she said Yes please. as sure as can be. Her words were as tense as her muscles, holding in everything she wanted to say and wanted to do.

As the lab door closed behind Mrs S. and the scientists Gracie's fingers finally touched down against the smooth stillness of the lab counter, with its reflective glass beakers and data forms. As the coldness passed from the countertop into her skin, Gracie let the words they'd spoken pass through her too. You're going to die.

Gracie screamed, a long ragged sound that reminded her of the cries that came from the barn when her father put an animal down. She swung her arm out, glass crashing to the ground and across the room. She was surrounded by pieces, something whole and strong broken apart into unrecognisable  shards of what it once was. Don't you dare leave me alone in this, she thought. She didn't realise when her screams turned to laughter and she moved her palm up to stifle the sad sounds. She'd wanted him with her forever, and she thought he'd lied. She was wrong. He was certainly with her now, wasn't he? Til death do us part. The unfairness rocked through her body. Grace, a salvation to sinners. She answered to this word but apparently had none for herself.

You're going to die. That's murder isn't it? Can you murder someone who never really lived? Or is that just what Gracie was punished for, what seems like ages ago? It's not taking a real life if none existed to begin with.


End file.
